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Masculine Identity is a Myth

It’s time to teach children about power dynamics, not gendered views of what it means to be a man

Jordan Shapiro
8 min readApr 22, 2021

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It seems like a lot of men have the maturity of middle schoolers. I don’t have any empirical evidence to prove so, but when I listen to the young teenagers who live in my house, the things they say sound a heck of a lot like the rhetoric I hear from some of the grown men on cable news.

That means either my kids are gifted, or many adults are stunted. I’m pretty sure it’s the latter. My children still exhibit a developmentally appropriate lack of basic executive function skills — they can’t remember to put their dirty dishes in the dishwasher, to close the front door, or to strap on a face mask before heading to school. They’re far from achieving adult consciousness.

This week they’ve been complaining about “cancel culture.” I don’t know where they heard the term, probably YouTube, maybe Discord or TikTok. I guess an algorithmic internet rabbit hole is a real thing — coercive and packed full of propaganda. My children must be echoing the influencers in their digital bubble.

How else does one make sense of a privileged thirteen-year-old’s concern that a person can be professionally ostracized, or culturally exiled for saying the wrong things? My kids say the…

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Jordan Shapiro

Author of Father Figure: How to Be a Feminist Dad (www.FeministDadBook.com) Twitter: @jordosh